|
Marriage and Relationship Enrichment
Dr. Dietrich Seidel
Secrets of a Successful Marriage
Dr. Dietrich Seidel, Ph.D
When it comes to building a successful marriage the steps to take seem often hidden and enigmatic. However, after taking a closer look, it all has to do with a simple approach and common sense. The reason that the obvious appears as secret lies in the experience of undesired habits that penetrate our marital life.Routines within our daily business and frequent stretches of over-commitment create for the spouses a certain fog in their relationship. Thus, we lose sight of basic attitudes and skills that are essential for a vital marriage. However, once we realize the need for eliminating the marriage fog, we find ourselves rediscovering simple principles for marital happiness. We then bring the secrets for success in marriage to the daylight.
How shall we decide what is really important for strengthening our marriages? Recently, I experienced a serious snow storm that left dozens of trees uprooted in my neighborhood including two giant ones in my own backyard. I vividly recall the rushing sound when the trees came tumbling down with a great thump. Their mighty trunks laying down with their exposed roots in the sunlight seemed to tell me one last message: "We tried hard but we were not anchored deeply enough!"
This whole experience illustrated for me the importance of strong roots and an unyielding foundation as it applies in particular to the communion of marriage. According to marriage experts Stinnet and Trotman. great emphasis is given to ihe spouses' character development, their attitude and internal disposition. In fact, most advice has to do with strengthening the roots of human relationships. Like the roots of a tree, also our internal disposition needs to be firmly grounded in ihe solid foundation of our value system and world view that can brave even the greatest storms.
For achieving a good marriage. we need to develop two areas, namely, internal attitudes and external skills. Internal attitudes have to do with our spiritual life that defines the roots of our marriages, while external skills focus on building and nourishing our marital bond. As we can well imagine, only the harmonious interaction of the two areas will lead to the realization of successful marriages. The following points of advice address not only the roots of marital life but also basic interactive skills with which we will be able to nourish and develop our relationship as a couple.
1. Have a strong religious conviction. Husband and wife discover the deepest roots of their marriage in their living relationship with God. True family values emerge from thai relationship, providing consistent guidance and inspiration for the lifelong task of marriage building. In fact, all internal attitudes as outlined in the following paragraphs are rooted in our perception of God's will and the experience of his parental love. Marriage without a solid spiritual foundation is like a house built on sand.
2. Develop the habit of praying as a couple. Our daily communication with Cod becomes the life line for our spiritual development. In particular, our prayers as couples for the sake of the well-being of family members and other people cultivate our spirilual disposition lo live for the sake of others. Soon we will discover that the habit of prayer in marriage is a win-win situation as we also develop the virtue of living for the sake of our spouse. Be creative if differing schedules do not give you enough time for daily prayers. Surprise your partner with a prayer on the phone or by using E-mail.
3. Make loving your spouse a conscious decision. The internal disposition of a lasting commitment for marriage is based on the daily decision to make your spouse the number one priority in your life. Such a heartfelt appreciation of your partner is rooted in an ever present awareness of his or her absolute uniqueness as God's son or daughter. In fact, we can discover an overwhelming sense of awe about the qualities of our mate as a human being that commands a response of love and respect. With such a mind set, we will actively avoid the trap of taking each other for granted. Rather, we realize that a perpetual sense of newness in our marital relationship emerges from the simple habit of honoring our "better half. We may honor our spouse not only by expressing gratitude, appreciation or a sincere compliment, but more importantly by practicing a spirit of service. "I love you" is then communicated as "I care about our life together".
To persevere in our conscious decision to honor and love our marriage partner may sometimes turn out to be a challenging task when facing each other's immaturities and weaknesses. We find ourselves batling a self-centered interpretation of what it means to love our mate. In fact, we are exposed to a culture that seems to operate on a fifty-fifty proposition for living out the marriage contract. This means, I love you if you love me. It explains the impoverishment of the marriage bond in terms of only offering conditional love to each other. However, in order to succeed in our marriage, we need to turn to the hundred-hundred proposition of unconditional love. Only such a proposition of genuine self-giving will enable us to mobilize sufficient patience in times of difficulties and stress.
To be best friends means to enjoy each other's company, not in a pleasure seeking superficial way but by exploring our partner's inner world, thus creating an atmosphere of mutual understanding. The benefits from husband and wife being best friends are indeed beyond any rational calculation.
If you enjoyed our website and want to support our efforts you are welcome to make a donation. Click here.Dr. and Mrs. Seidel in Aruba:
Copyright 2004 - Life Enrichment Enterprises