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Marriage
and Relationship Enrichment Dr. Dietrich Seidel Secrets
of a Successful Marriage Dr. Dietrich Seidel, Ph.D
Routines within
our daily business and frequent stretches of over-commitment create for the
spouses a certain fog in their relationship. Thus, we lose sight of basic
attitudes and skills that are essential for a vital marriage. However, once
we realize the need for eliminating the marriage fog, we find ourselves
rediscovering simple principles for marital happiness. We then bring the
secrets for success in marriage to the daylight. How shall we
decide what is really important for strengthening our marriages? Recently, I
experienced a serious snow storm that left dozens of trees uprooted in my
neighborhood including two giant ones in my own backyard. I vividly recall
the rushing sound when the trees came tumbling down with a great thump. Their
mighty trunks laying down with their exposed roots in the sunlight seemed to
tell me one last message: "We tried hard but we were not anchored deeply
enough!" This whole
experience illustrated for me the importance of strong roots and an
unyielding foundation as it applies in particular to the communion of
marriage. According to marriage experts Stinnet and Trotman. great emphasis
is given to ihe spouses' character development, their attitude and internal
disposition. In fact, most advice has to do with strengthening the roots of
human relationships. Like the roots of a tree, also our internal disposition
needs to be firmly grounded in ihe solid foundation of our value system and
world view that can brave even the greatest storms. For achieving a
good marriage. we need to develop two areas, namely, internal attitudes and
external skills. Internal attitudes have to do with our spiritual life that
defines the roots of our marriages, while external skills focus on building
and nourishing our marital bond. As we can well imagine, only the harmonious
interaction of the two areas will lead to the realization of successful marriages.
The following points of advice address not only the roots of marital
life but also basic interactive skills with which we will be able to nourish
and develop our relationship as a couple. 1. Have a
strong religious conviction. Husband and wife discover the
deepest roots of their marriage in their living relationship with God. True
family values emerge from thai relationship, providing consistent guidance
and inspiration for the lifelong task of marriage building. In fact, all
internal attitudes as outlined in the following paragraphs are rooted in our
perception of God's will and the experience of his parental love. Marriage
without a solid spiritual foundation is like a house built on sand. 2. Develop the
habit of praying as a couple. Our daily communication with Cod
becomes the life line for our spiritual development. In particular, our
prayers as couples for the sake of the well-being of family members and other
people cultivate our spirilual disposition lo live for the sake of others. Soon
we will discover that the habit of prayer in marriage is a win-win situation
as we also develop the virtue of living for the sake of our spouse. Be
creative if differing schedules do not give you enough time for daily
prayers. Surprise your partner with a prayer on the phone or by using E-mail. 3. Make loving
your spouse a conscious decision. The internal
disposition of a lasting commitment for marriage is based on the daily
decision to make your spouse the number one priority in your life. Such a
heartfelt appreciation of your partner is rooted in an ever present awareness
of his or her absolute uniqueness as God's son or daughter. In fact, we can
discover an overwhelming sense of awe about the qualities of our mate as a
human being that commands a response of love and respect. With such a mind
set, we will actively avoid the trap of taking each other for granted. Rather,
we realize that a perpetual sense of newness in our marital relationship
emerges from the simple habit of honoring our "better half. We may honor
our spouse not only by expressing gratitude, appreciation or a sincere
compliment, but more importantly by practicing a spirit of service. "I
love you" is then communicated as "I care about our life
together". To persevere in
our conscious decision to honor and love our marriage partner may sometimes
turn out to be a challenging task when facing each other's immaturities and
weaknesses. We find ourselves batling a self-centered interpretation of what
it means to love our mate. In fact, we are exposed to a culture that seems to
operate on a fifty-fifty proposition for living out the marriage contract. This
means, I love you if you love me. It explains the impoverishment of the
marriage bond in terms of only offering conditional love to each other. However,
in order to succeed in our marriage, we need to turn to the hundred-hundred
proposition of unconditional love. Only such a proposition of genuine
self-giving will enable us to mobilize sufficient patience in times of
difficulties and stress. To be best
friends means to enjoy each other's company, not in a pleasure seeking
superficial way but by exploring our partner's inner world, thus creating an
atmosphere of mutual understanding. The benefits from husband and wife being
best friends are indeed beyond any rational calculation. "For
counseling, reach us!"
Dr. and Mrs. Seidel in
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